after much consideration...

So, after much consideration, at the good advice of a friend, I've decided to blog out my feelings.  It is my sincerest hope that, along the way, I'll forget all about these past few nights, and look back and wonder at how I ever managed to feel so unsatisfied in such a magnificent place, but for now, this is how it is.  I am disappointed.

To be fair, what have I manged to see of Galway so far?  Dunnes supermarket, where I've spent entirely too much money on just enough food to get by, and linens, and things like leftover containers that--surprise!--aren't provided because this isn't the co-op; Menlo Park, the apartment complex where I'm living in a single with two other students from the U.S. in the double next door; TESCO, kind of like Wal*Mart; the lobby of AIB bank and a comical man in a tie who helped me open an account; my campus which has one building from 1895 (I think) and the rest are from the 1970s or under construction and kind of (to be honest) a little ugly; and two different roads to school: one past some horses and some houses that look like Naples, FL (no, really, one has a palm tree) and the other along a busy almost-highway complete with rumors of recent fatalities.

So it's not really fair to be disappointed in Galway or Ireland already.  That's like declaring that I hated mashed potatoes before I'd had them, but you have to understand where I'm coming from.  I'm coming from a place where I work five jobs and, while I'm not asked to hang out every night or even every weekend, I've got a core set of people I see, and a routine that keeps me busy beyond belief.  I'm coming from a place where I wake up inside of a century-old building with ghosts, a history, and the smell of home-baked bread just down the stairs.  I know where I'm going and I'm (almost) past caring what others think of me.  I can go where I want with confidence, whether it's out to climb atop snow drifts or swing in the park outside Firelands or to chat with the statue of General Shurtleff.  There are buildings that mean so much to the campus that even Cass Gilbert couldn't mandate them destroyed.  There are buildings Mark Twain spoke inside.  I live in a fairy-tale at Oberlin, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends, but a fairy-tale nevertheless.

General Giles Shurtleff

Fast-forward to NUI: Galway and I'm suddenly on a campus that is overwhelmingly modern and expansive, and maybe this is what you'd call "culture shock" but I'd call it stubbornness.  It's not culture shock.  I've experienced culture shock in five-or-so other countries.  This is my complete unwillingness to adapt to a new way of life--cooking for myself, learning to love a big, sleek, new campus, keep shelling out the euro--until I get something in return.  I want to be culture-shocked, if that can be a verb for the purposes of this blog.  I want to be completely overwhelmed with joy at where I am, and then I want to feel like this for a while, and then, after that, I can finally be proud.  Proud of myself, of what I've learned, and where I've lived.  When does the memory-making start?  Right now I'm too busy worrying about what others will think about me, not isolating myself, and all that other superfluous junk.

Did the past five semesters taking 16+ credits and working like a dog really make me so insensitive that nothing can make me excited anymore?

Alright, that's enough of my negativity.  After much consideration, I think it's best to be honest about how I'm feeling, because otherwise, it's just going to turn into this horrible, nagging guilt that I'm letting everyone down by being so disappointed when I'm across the Atlantic in Ireland.  So...

Resolved, that I shall spout no more negativity from this potato-trap I call a mouth.
Resolved, that I shall research one new fact about my new home, whether it be a bus route or a club to join.
Resolved, that I shall no longer gratify the question "How is Ireland?" with a response other than "The future holds great things" or something equally cryptic until I have a definitive answer other than "B'awwww, why am I such a loser?"
Resolved, that I will have a smile for everyone, no matter how hurried or angry or downtrodden I become.  My teeth are really white and will reflect all the happiness of an elusive sun into the eyes of passersby.

Also, please keep in mind that, when reading this, I blog what I feel at the exact moment.  At any given moment, I could feel completely differently, and my mood depends a lot on the company I'm keeping.  Right now, a lot of us seem to be frustrated.  Some with the smaller amount of hot water, some with the method of registration, some with the 25 min walk to school, and some, like me, with the lack of something cool to see.  I'm also incredibly tired and it's past my bedtime.  I do all my serious thinking at night.  I'll feel better in the morning.