preparations.

The countdown continues: 4 days.

I'm a bit, incredibly nervous about this whole endeavor.  I haven't packed, don't know what to pack, don't know where to start packing, probably won't start packing until the night before my trip.  I thought that 10 days at home was going to be enough to do everything... to clean my room, figure out what was going on with this Ireland trip, tame the evil snake, master a layback spin (haha, not gonna happen!), see everyone... Turns out I haven't started my room, don't know up from down where this trip is concerned, was bitten four times by the evil snake while helping HELPING it shed, can barely lift one foot while I spin, and might not get to see everyone before I leave.  Huh, and here I thought I was good at managing my time.

Well, anyway, I ran into Felicia at the mall and she gave me her Irish phone number, so I at least have a bit of support for my first fumbling steps into the Éire.  For those of you who don't know, I danced with Felicia at Shanahan for a super long time, and we were a part of the Daughters of Erin together.  We hadn't talked for a super long time, but it turns out she's going to NUIG as an international student!  I'm really excited to have her there, but...

When I look at pictures of Ireland, I get excited.  When I think about going to Ireland, where I've heard the boys are assholes, where I've heard it's difficult to meet anyone without drinking, where everyone is probably too cool for me, I want to cry and back out.  I've got enough on my plate trying to conquer my insecurities at Oberlin.  I feel accomplished enough with all the gains I've made at Oberlin.  I don't need to try all this in another country, you know?  But I'm going to do it, and do you know why?

I'm not going to Ireland to get a boyfriend.  That's the most ridiculous part about how nervous I am.  And I'm not going to Ireland to stress out.  I do enough of that at Oberlin.  I'm going so I can be in a beautiful place, learning about a magical culture, and if all my romances about Ireland get torn to shreds, what the hell?  It's all an education at Oberlin has taught me... from the American West to the Founding Fathers, there's no hero without a villain inside.  If I don't make any friends, it won't be something I don't know how to deal with.  I've done things on my own before, and if I have to go on Spring Break without anyone, who cares?  I have friends in Europe, so there.

If Oberlin didn't break me, Ireland sure isn't gonna.  I'm just nervous, and even though I know I'm going to be okay, I can't help how I feel.